Rake

by Jason Pipkin

i couldn't find a rake in beijing.
Even if lawns existed
you'd be hard pressed to find a tree that's not
gray.
Where is Johnny Appleseed when you need him?
Or at least a tree-hugging liberal...
Never thought I'd miss the liberals.
I think they've all sworn allegiance to
the Dalai Lama-
he whose name must not be spoken in these parts.
A peaceful man
who probably likes trees,
but is not welcome here.
If he were,
maybe he'd join the foreign environmentalist group-
Green Drinks. They meet on the
Second Tuesday of every month
at the Stone Boat Cafe.
Or is it Wednesday?
I've never been, but my friend Paul used to go.
He's into that sort of thing.
One time he met a nice girl there who really dug him
but I think he was oblivious or uninterested.
He's not gay, just really, really cool.
He's Lebanese.
What a guy.
But I don't think the Dalai Lama would have dug her either.
Too much karma.
And what they don't tell you,
the big gnosis,
like aliens in Scientology,
is that true nirvana is the cessation of all karma,
good and bad alike.
It's true.
Maybe you can become a bodhisattva by doing good deeds
but never a buddha.
Take that, Richard Gere (who,
incidentally,
is also banned from entering this nation).
I wonder if he rakes his own leaves.
I'd guess "no", but celebrities
are full of surprises.